An Important PSA

Okay folks, today I'm going to do something a little different; instead of posting a stupid customer stories, I want to take some time and do an important PSA.

I'm sure that all of us either know someone or ourselves fall into this category; the type of person that walks into a convenience store and throws a fit when their favorite scratch off game isn't there. The type of person who wins $50, $60, $70 on one ticket then ends up spending it all and then some. The type of person who has very specific numbers in very specific ways and throws a tantrum if the clerk messes up. The type of person who complains they have no money...except when in comes to lotto.

Yes, I'm talking about what a friend of mine dubs lotto-tards. Those annoying bastards that hold up lines and piss off cashiers and other customers everywhere. Is there any hope for them? Thankfully there is.

If you're reading this and know someone who is a lotto-tard, helping them is quite simple; next time you see them having any one of the above mentioned symptoms, tell them to GET A FUCKING LIFE! Remember, with your help, we can defeat this.

This message has been brought to you by Annoyed Clerks Everywhere.

That New Fangled Internets...Always Messing Up Phone Bills...

I had this call during my first week as a financial collector (before I became a CSR):

Me: How can I help you today?

Customer: *in a very, very southern drawl* Yeah, I wants to know why bill is so high!

Me: Let me get you over to a CSR to help you with that.

*After I explain to the CSR what's going on, I stay on the line briefly as he explains to the customer why his bill is so high*

CSR: Any questions sir?

Customer: *Pause* Now that sounds all well and good, but I gots my own idea about why it's so high. It's because y'alls puts the internets on my phone.

O_o I can't make this shit up...this really happened...

Monthly Payments Are Not A Reccomendation

So I used to work as a customer service agent for a major cell phone company, which was a gold mine of stupidity. This call though was one of the standouts:

Me: *After going through my opening lines* How can I help you?

Customer: Yeah, I've had your service since January and I'm just trying to figure out why my service is shut off.

Me: Okay let's take a lo-sir...it says here you haven't paid your bill since January?

Customer: Right...

Me: Sir, it's July...

Customer: *Pause* Oh...you mean I have to pay my bill every month?

O_o Yeah...that really happened...

How...How Do You Function?!

So we make pizza's where I work and customer's can pick up whole pizza's to go...if they give us enough time to make them. Apparently, this lady doesn't understand this concept...

*Customer walks in at about 10 of 7*

Customer: Yes, how long is it going to take for the breakfast pizza to finish?

Me: Oh just a few minutes. You want me to ring you up for a slice?

Customer: Actually, I have a meeting and I need the whole thing. Well, multiple pizza's actually.

Me: Oh okay. What time do you need them for?

Customer: 7:00.

Me: ...That's not possible ma'am...

Customer: Well why not?!

Me: ...Because it takes at least 10 minutes to cook each pizza.

Customer: Well I called *names another store of ours* and they said you could make pizza anytime!

Yeah...that really happened...

Not sure if trolling...or just that stupid...

So one of the jobs I work at is a mini-mart/gas station (a great hub for stupidity), and I had one of the best stupid customer fails last week. Note: All our pumps are pre-pay inside or credit only. This is important.

Guy came in wanting to pay for his gas using a discount program we have...I think the conversation that follows speaks for itself:

Customer: "So I used my points card at the pump and it told me to prepay?"

Me: "Sure, if you're paying cash, I can just run everything in here. Just cancel the transaction out there, come back in, and I can take care of the rest."

*Customer leaves and comes back in a minute later* "How do I cancel the transaction?" (Note: The pumps have a button on them clearly labeled cancel)

*After canceling the transaction for him* "Okay sir, now, if you come back inside, I can run the transaction."

Customer: "Okay." *hands me his card* "So if you run this card inside, I can pump, then pay you, right?"

Me: "No sir, you pay inside, then pump."

Customer: "Oh, so if I run my rewards card out here, then pay you inside, I can get my discount?"

Me: -_- "Sir, you just tried that and it didn't work. I run both the card and the payment inside, then you pump."

Customer: "Ohhhh...but how do I know I got my discount then?"

Me: "...It shows it at the pump sir."

Customer: "Oh okay." * Proceeds to slide discount card at the pump*

The worst part is, I had the exact same thing happen not five minutes later...with a different customer...-_-

The Obligatory Intro Post

I want to thank a friend of mine for coming up with the idea to start this blog. It came from one of our usual shoot the shit hang outs. Thanks Wave!

So, as you can tell from the title of the blog, this a place where we can vent/laugh about the stupidest of the stupid things we have heard during our jobs. And believe me, we've heard a lot of stupid things.

By the way, before we go further, yes, I realize that this is not an original idea for a blog/website. And my response to that is, meh. Though Notalwaysright does have some great customer fails...

Anyway, hope you get a laugh out of these stories! ^_^ I know we have!

JD aka "Duck"